For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” – Galatians 5:14 NIV
That’s a powerful verse, and it’s found a few more times throughout the Bible, too. And I’m betting you have no problem loving others. Sure, sometimes family can be a pain, or our kids can make us crazy, but we still love them when it comes down to it. It’s ‘easy’ to love others.
But how well do you do with loving yourself?
“That was a dumb thing to say.”
“How could I have been so stupid to do that?”
“I’m so fat.”
“My nose is too big.”
“I’m so ugly.”
“I’m not smart enough.”
Those words, or similar ones, are often spoken repeatedly inside our heads. They aren’t words we would ever think of saying to those around us – friends or family – but we can speak them to ourselves without hesitation. Why is that?
Sadly, society has trained us to fall into the trap of believing we aren’t good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, etc. Society has taught us that if we aren’t a certain height, weight, and skin color (to name a few), there’s something wrong with us.
Or what about when we keep reliving past mistakes over and over in our heads? Better yet, what about when we’re with friends or family and can’t stop bringing up the hurtful things we did to them years ago? Often, they have forgiven and moved on and don’t enjoy talking about the past hurts, but we can’t stop doing it because we haven’t forgiven ourselves yet. And, finally – what about when we feel there’s no way God can love us when we don’t love ourselves and think our past sins are unforgivable?
Why do we fall prey to those things and think those things about ourselves? Especially as Christians. God doesn’t want us to believe those lies! “For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. – Psalm 139: 13-14 NIV
Did you catch that? Fearfully and wonderfully made!
But let’s face it, we’re human, and it’s not always easy to fight the self-sabotage and negative self-talk which makes it difficult to show ourselves self-love and grace, which is right where the devil wants us – ‘hating’ ourselves.
What is “Self-Love?”
First, let’s get clear on how we define self-love. If you look it up in the dictionary, it has a negative connotation. That’s not what we’re talking about here. In this case, we’re using the word self-love to mean not beating yourself up for past actions or for looking in the mirror and loving what you see regardless of skin color, size, or number on the scale. We’re talking about self-love in terms of accepting ourselves…faults and all, just like He does.
So, how do you accept that God loves you even when you don’t love yourself? It’s not always easy; believe me, I know the struggle. But, it gets “easier” as time goes on if you’re willing to put forth the effort to work on it. Here are eight tips you can follow to start accepting God’s love even when you don’t love yourself.
Look up. Not around you
We’ve already discussed briefly how society has caused us to believe that if we’re not a certain height, skin color, etc., there’s something wrong with us. When we compare ourselves with how much money a friend makes, the fancy car a neighbor drives, and the exotic vacations a co-worker takes, it’s easy to get down on ourselves and start believing we’re not good enough.
But that’s not true! God doesn’t love us based on those comparisons. None of these things matter in the grand scheme of things. Stop looking around and instead look up and remember who you are in Him.
Mediate on His Word
The best and easiest way to accept God’s love is to immerse yourself in His word. Pick a topic on what you’re struggling with, in this case self-love, and seek out the answers He gives through His word.
A quick Google search using a tool like biblegateway.com will let you search for a keyword. Or most Bibles even have an index where you can find verses based on a topic. If you don’t have a specific topic in mind, I recommend just opening your Bible and reading some verses on the page you opened to. Trust that whatever you needed to hear that day was shown to you in those Words.
Do something for yourself
Contrary to popular belief and what some of society says, it is not selfish to take time for yourself. God wants you to take care of you and that includes time to yourself. You decide what works for you – once a week, 15 minutes a day, whatever works, just choose it and make it happen. This time can be used for something as simple as a quick walk, reading a few chapters of a book, listening to music, writing in your journal – whatever you feel like doing!
Follow a healthy diet and exercise regularly
What does this have to do with accepting God’s love? Everything! His word even says: “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31 NIV
Even something as simple as eating is to be done to bring Glory to God. But aside from that, think about how you feel when you feed your body “icky” stuff like candy, cookies, chips, fast food, pizza, soda, etc. Does it make you feel energized, refreshed, and mentally aware? Or does it make you feel tired, sluggish, crummy, and mad at yourself for eating junk once again?
I’m guessing you chose the second choice because that usually happens when you eat that stuff. Not to mention all the health issues that can result from eating all that unhealthy, non-nourishing stuff regularly. And I don’t know about you, but when I’m indulging in that stuff (occasionally, it isn’t bad. It’s all about balance,) it adds to the negative feelings I have towards myself.
Exercise doesn’t have to be a long gym workout or a 60-minute exercise class. Even 20-30 minutes of exercise a day can be beneficial. It’ll help your mood, which will help you feel better about yourself. Treat your body as a temple.
Seek counsel from a pastor or leader in your church
God will not be angry if you need to talk with someone else. Sometimes praying alone isn’t enough, and we need help from those around us. That’s alright! And it even says in His word that where two or three are gathered, He is there with them (Matthew 18:20). Our pastors, elders, and leaders of churches are there to minister one-on-one, too.
Sometimes taking care of yourself and accepting God’s love means reaching out and asking for help. Besides, gathering with someone or a few others for prayer and ministry is a wonderful way to soak up God’s love.
Forgive yourself
We know the importance of forgiving those who have hurt us and not carrying resentment or anger toward them. God’s word even says we’ll be forgiven if we forgive others who have sinned against us (Matthew 6:14).
So, doesn’t that mean we need to forgive ourselves, too? Sometimes we’ll give in to self-hatred, not feeling satisfied with what we have and comparing ourselves to others, negative self-talk, and more. But accepting God’s love means we forgive ourselves when we do these things and move along. Can you do that? Don’t you deserve to do that for yourself?
Join a Bible study
Again, one of the best and easiest ways to accept God’s love is to immerse yourself in His word. Joining a local Bible study is a great way to do this. Not only that, but it’s a good way for you to get involved and get to know others on a more personal level – even more, important if you attend a large church and it’s hard to make connections just by attending Sunday services.
Volunteer
If you can sign up to volunteer within your church – helping in the office, taking care of babies, playing with toddlers, leading kids church, ministering to the youth, being a door greeter on Sunday, etc. – that would be ideal. Because, after all, how else to embrace and accept God’s love than to serve Him within His place of worship? But if not, any volunteer activity is a fantastic way to get outside yourself and stop focusing on you/your problems.
Remember, loving those around you as your neighbor is one of God’s commandments. Volunteer work is a fun, but sometimes challenging way to show love and receive love.
Start loving yourself
These eight tips are merely suggestions. You can choose one or two to focus on and start there. Maybe none of these things mentioned appeal to you. That’s ok, too. Create your own list. Come up with your ideas of letting God love you even when you don’t love yourself.
I promise you, you can’t immerse yourself in God’s love and not eventually start loving yourself, too.
Don’t ever forget who you are or who you belong to. You are God’s handiwork, just like it says in His word:
“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10 NIV
He loves you unconditionally and doesn’t expect you to be perfect. He made you for a reason and has a plan for you. And He knows you’ll make mistakes and sin along the way. God knew that way back when He created you! But that didn’t stop Him, did it?
Knowing how unconditionally loved you are, and how He has a plan and purpose for your life, doesn’t that mean you should show yourself a little compassion, grace, and self-love, too? After all, you are worth it!
Does this resonate with you? Feel free to comment below.
Extra Bible verses of encouragement
- “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8 NIV
- “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1 NIV
- “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3 NIV
- “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” 2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV
- “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5 NIV
- “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” 1 Peter 2:9 NIV
