45 Years of Wedded Bliss

Looking at the picture to the right, you will see us on our wedding day. There we were in my borrowed dress and his rented tux. We look so young. It doesn’t seem possible that we have spent 45 years together. That equals over 2/3 of our lives. But we have, and so much has happened in that period of time.

I borrowed my wedding dress from an aunt who is 2.5 years older than me. There was no money in the budget to include a dress. We married with $2,000 to our names, and that went as a down payment when we purchased a house a few months after getting married. Even though we didn’t have much money, we saved money by eating hot dogs often to help pay for the closing costs on our home purchase. We survived some tough financial times, and now we are in retirement with enough money to last us the rest of our lives, as long as we live like we have all of our married life, frugally.

45 years of marriage

We have lived through six different houses. From the duplex, we started in, to the downsized home we are currently living in. Our second location was our first home purchased. It was a cement slab when we purchased it for about $30,000. We weren’t planning to buy so soon, but the landlord raised our rent within a few months of moving in. Since I worked for a lender at the time, I knew we could purchase a home and pay less than our rent was going to be. It was the right time to buy, even though it was not in our plans to do it so quickly.

We were blessed with two children, a girl and a boy. After our daughter was born, I planned that baby number two was also a girl. That’s what my doctor told me. When I had a sonogram, it indicated I was having a boy. I didn’t believe the guy. I was expecting the arrival of Taryn Joy when I realized, as I was in labor, that there was a boy’s heartbeat coming over the monitor. And there he was moments later. I was not prepared for a boy. I was nervous about raising a boy since most of the cousins I grew up with were girls. Boys were somewhat foreign to me. But we all survived, and I’m grateful to God for giving me both a boy and a girl.

Phil, my husband, was born in Seoul, Korea. He and his 3 sisters were orphaned. He and his two older sisters ended up in Northern California when he was about six. The three of them were adopted by the same family. Another family in Korea raised their baby sister. They have since been reunited on several occasions, both in California and Korea. I grew up in southern California, the oldest of three girls. Very different from my husband’s experience.

Bliss?

Soon after we started dating, one of Phil’s older brothers died. Not long after we were married, Phil’s mother died. His father remarried, and he died before his new wife did. There have been many deaths that we have mourned, but most of them were older relatives.

Our marriage hasn’t been perfect, but we made it through the difficult times, and we were very fortunate to have healthy children, followed by healthy grandchildren. God has blessed us richly. We love the grandparent stage of life. At this time, we have three granddaughters and two grandsons. And we love each of them so much. We are in a situation where our grandchildren are not living a few miles away. However, when you consider all the options, the fact that they all live in our state is great. I know people with children in other countries, and I would find that heartbreaking.

We have had our disagreements, some heavy-duty, and occasional tough times financially. But through it all, the good and the bad, God has been our constant companion.

Health

I really don’t think my husband has had any major health problems since we have been married. We did have to approach the possibility of having Parkinson’s disease, but it turned out to be something else, less of a threat. He is a former smoker, and I’m so happy that he quit several years ago.

However, I have had a lot of surgeries. I survived brain tumor surgery the November before the Pandemic. During the Pandemic, I had additional surgery to implant a bone-attached hearing aid on my skull in 2020. Plus, at least five other surgeries sprinkled here and there, mostly minor.

Our children had very few health issues. There was a tonsillectomy. And a few stitches here and there, due to injuries from sports.

We have survived the Covid-19 Pandemic without getting Covid. We both turned 65 during the Pandemic. I lost my mom during the Pandemic, fortunately not from Covid.

Finances

When we married, we each had gone to a local junior college. We had jobs but no college degree. I have worked for at least a dozen different employers. So I have spent a lot of time typing up resumes and going to job interviews. My husband started a job in high school, remained there when we were married, and eventually bought the business from his boss. Once we sold that business, he started another business, from which he recently retired. He probably has never made a resume.

Having a job was more stable than being self-employed Some days, when we were both self-employed, I prayed to God to please let enough money come in the mail to pay the bills that were due. And He usually answered that prayer positively. Despite low funds, we sent our children to the local Christian school from first grade through high school. They both graduated from four years of college before they married. We relied on God, and He carried us through.

I retired in 2020. Finding a job at my age (64) following my brain surgery didn’t seem reasonable. So instead, I went from disability to retirement. My husband retired this year. We had enough money set aside to live comfortably, not extremely. That was aided by downsizing our home in 2018, allowing us to live without a house payment. We felt comfortable financially but not in any way wealthy. Sadly, my mother died in 2020 and left us money. I would much rather have her alive than have her money. That money has added a cushion in the event we live to a very old age or end up in a convalescent hospital.

45 Years is a big deal

My parents celebrated their 40th Anniversary. At that time, they still seemed young to me. Unexpectedly, three years later, my father died. They never made it to their 45th anniversary. They were not the only ones that didn’t make it to their 45th anniversary. Many couples divorce, others have one of the spouses die when their children are young, and some die just before they retire, as my father did. I wanted my mother to be here when our anniversary arrived, but God had other plans.

When a couple marries, they look to the future, but it is the near future for the most part. They are focused on having children, buying a house, and maintaining a happy marriage. 45 years is too far off to think about it, but suddenly it will sneak up on you.

Cherish the years that you are together. And, if you make it to 30, 35, 40, 45, 50, 55, or 60 years married, realize that you have accomplished something worth celebrating.

The older we get

As we grow older, I feel we have grown closer. Following my brain tumor surgery in 2019, my husband was asked by the surgeons to step into another room. Before his meeting, every other doctor had gone over the surgery results in the waiting room. My husband assumed they wanted him away from everyone when they gave him the bad news. However, it was good news. Feeling like he almost lost me gave my husband a new sense of thankfulness to God that I was in his life.

Sadly, after I fell and injured myself, my husband recently informed me that he thinks I need something to alert him if I fall. He has been concerned that he will come home one day and find me non-responsive in the yard or house. I hadn’t realized my falling was having such a bad effect on him. The falling started in September 2020. I feel blessed that he does want me around for a lot longer. It took potential bad things to help us realize how much we love each other. And, especially in my case, how much we really need each other.

We also tend to apologize more when we are wrong. And we find ways to help each other, without the other one asking for help. My husband cooks dinner more often now than when we had children living at home. We try not to pick a fight. We have realized that it is best to ignore the small things.

What holds us together

I believe we would not be together without God in our lives. We know the importance of God in our lives. I cannot imagine how a couple can make it through tough times without God guiding them. We want that for our children and grandchildren. A relationship with God is the most important thing in our lives. I hope you also have that love of God first, followed by love for your spouse.

Our marriage may not be bliss all the time, but it comes very close. We would never have survived this long without God being the focus of our marriage. How long have you been married? I pray that you will have a long-lasting relationship with your spouse. It’s not easy, but with God in your life, it makes it much easier. Please take a moment to comment in the space below positive things about your marriage or the marriage of your parents.

We are looking ahead to our 50th and possibly even a 60th anniversary in the future. It will be here before we know it. May God bless your marriage, as He has ours.